Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
