he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize