Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
