Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
