I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
