If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
