somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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