we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize