my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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