This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
