I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
