As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
