My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize