I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The uberlube is also flammable
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
