No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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