woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
