and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
