You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
