but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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