His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
