I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
