I am in a vortex of obligation.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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