My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
