it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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