Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize