the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
