yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
