Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
