As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
