I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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