Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
