He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
