So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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