oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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