Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My balls are so social today.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
