After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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