i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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