had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
