It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
