Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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