a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
