Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
