Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
