I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize