THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
