why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
