the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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