No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
