Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
