hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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