and you said cock pushups were impossible
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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