Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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