Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
