What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
