I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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