I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
