Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
