Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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