Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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