Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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