Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
