it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
