the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
