i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
